🎄 The Family Tree
Three generations (four in spirit) coming together for Christmas
Abi
Cristina Diaz
Javier
In Loving Memory
Epifanio
In Loving Memory
Paredes Family
Auntie Adriana & Uncle Raul
Parents
Alex & Brooke
Married
Lexi
Elliot
Andre
Son
Sean
Son
Diaz Family
Uncle Jesse & Aunt Trish
🎂 Birthday Boy!
Jackie
Daughter
Dani
In Loving Memory
Tia & Nicholas
Engaged
Katie
Daughter
Beau
Matt
Son
Diaz Family
Uncle Ringo
Ricardo Diaz
Ricky
Not a Jr., a Diablito
👨👩👧👦 Meet the Family
The people that make this celebration special
Abi (Cristina Diaz)
In Loving Memory
The reason we're all here
Javier
Biological Father / Grandfather
The one who knocked up my grandma — not just once, but twice
Epifanio Diaz
In Loving Memory
Forever in our hearts
Uncle Jesse 🎂 60!
The Birthday Boy
Tall, dark, and handsome — batting .333 with 'dark' · 60 never looked so... 60 · Great provider · Even better at telling you about it · Will narrate It's a Wonderful Life whether you asked or not · Dogs and cats pee on his floor on purpose. They've heard the narration one too many times.
Aunt Trish
Uncle Jesse's Wife
Heart of gold · The one keeping Uncle Jesse in line · Will adopt anybody · Never fails to make everyone feel included and at home · Will give the shirt off her back
Auntie Adriana
Uncle Jesse's Sister
CPA · Skipped grades, got her CPA, became CFO · Don't mess with her—she'll audit your taxes
Uncle Raul
Uncle Jesse's Brother-in-Law
The Architect · Started with nothing, now we're here · Literally created his own dynasty and legacy
Uncle Ringo (Ricardo Diaz)
Uncle Jesse's Brother
The biggest Beatles fan · Franky's favorite human slave
Jackie
Uncle Jesse's Daughter
Will win any argument (she's a lawyer) · One time in Costa Rica after drinking, Jackie jumped in the pool twice and wouldn't leave. She asked to see all cats. The doorman asked Andre to help, but she could not be helped. Pretty sure the second jump was to pee in the pool.
Danielle "Dani" Diaz
Uncle Jesse's Daughter
Forever in our hearts
Tia
Uncle Jesse's Daughter
Soon to be Mrs. Nicholas! · Nominated for Mexican Hat Dance champion after Andre stumbled into a Wrigleyville bar over holiday break only to find his innocent studious cousin Tia standing on a table, pumping her fists in the air and dancing.
Nicholas
Future Son-in-Law (sorry Uncle Jess)
Nick, will absolutely judge your flossing (he's a dentist) · Could befriend a fire hydrant and the fire hydrant would be better for it · Instantly likeable — it's actually kind of annoying · Andre has nothing bad to say · Tia did well. Real well. Frankly, Tia please learn from Nick
Katie
Uncle Jesse's Daughter
Could sell the VRBO back to the owner · When Andre graduated college, Katie burst into his apartment, opened the first door, and found a poor defenseless roommate exposed. She told us all what happened. He moved out the next month.
Matt
Uncle Jesse's Son
Future Jesse Jr. · Business bound · Used to force Andre to play Zombies on the original Black Ops. It was cute—he tried.
Alex
Uncle Jesse's Nephew
Already calculated the per-person costs · Controlled by Lexi
Brooke
Uncle Jesse's Niece-in-Law
Token minority · The real brains behind the power couple
Andre
Uncle Jesse's Nephew
El Consentido · Misunderstood · Kind · Very very funny · Very very intelligent · Just the best
Sean
Uncle Jesse's Nephew
The Funny Man · Family Favorite™ · Used to blame dinosaurs for his messy room · Believed Andre had a blue mouse named Frank who would tell on him anytime he went through Andre's things. Frank was the man.
Ricky Diaz
Uncle Jesse's Nephew
Not a Jr. — a Diablito · Most likely to own a mansion · Once held a fork over a candle for 10 minutes and branded Andre. The scar remains. The cousin-ship? Also remains. For now.
Lexi
Uncle Jesse's Grand-Niece
Future president · Never wants to be held or kissed by Andre
Elliot
Uncle Jesse's Grand-Nephew
Scholar athlete · Once beat Andre in Mario Kart. Will never beat Andre in Super Smash Brothers.
Beau
Uncle Jesse's Grandson
Future all-star · Always bumps Andre's fist when he asks for a fist bump